Dinner Disaster
by isobeljones2000
Summary: Write about what happened at that horrible dinner party. Tom/Lexi & Varg/Lyzera. Oneshot. Not be taken seriously on pain of extreme insanity.


_A/N) I wrote this a few weeks ago and only just got around to posting it. I laughed all the way through writing this. Hope you enjoy this silly little fic that I wrote over a weekend._

_Writing Prompt: Write about what happened at that horrible dinner party._

All Lexi had wanted to do was have a nice relaxed peaceful dinner for once. It didn't sound such an arduous task. Sure, there had been a few sceptical comments from Tom, and Varg had at first refused to come outright. Lexi had had to use all her charm - not that that amounted to much - to get him to enter their small house that she and Tom now lived in with their son. Varg could be very stubborn sometimes, but he owed Lexi _a_ _lot_ of favours.

Tom had joined her under the table a few seconds ago, his face a mask of terror and disbelief.

"They're - they're -"

"Shooting at each other, no doubt," Lexi replied flippantly. Being in the Nekross family, she had kind of become accustomed to Varg and his love of guns. She didn't like it, but he refused to listen.

"Well Varg is, of course..." Tom ventured. "But I don't know how Dad got hold of a crowbar. Or why Gran's having a full blown slappy fight with Lyzera."

Lexi sighed heavily. "Who knew asking Varg to pass the cranberry sauce would result in such widespread destruction?"

Tom mutely shrugged, without words to describe.

"I just hoped they would get on, just this once..." Lexi continued wistfully.

Tom snorted, making no attempt to conceal his derision. "The Nekross high class family, 'get on' with the inferior Clarke family? When has that ever happened?"

"We managed it pretty well," Lexi mused aloud.

Tom nodded with a crooked smile and a soft laugh. "True that."

Both heard a clatter against the wall, followed by a loud smashing sound and Lyzera screaming a war cry. It sounded something like: "You will pay, puny human!"

"There goes the only nice vase we had," noted Lexi somewhat randomly.

"Next time we're confiscating any possible weapons before they enter our house," decided Tom.

"Shall we go out there and try and calm things down?" wondered the older girl.

Tom shook his head insistently, the deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes. "I would presume that action would be potentially hazardous to our health and would advise not to attempt it."

Now it was Lexi's turn to laugh quietly. "You sound like my brother."

Tom looked outraged. "Me, sound like that grumpy old -" At Lexi's look he stopped and grinned sheepishly. "What? He is! And I was merely putting the warning in terms you may understand, dear Lexi."

Lexi heard Varg curse in Nekross above her and growl in familiar infuriation, and rolled her eyes. "And there was me thinking that him getting engaged to Lyzera would give him some common decorum."

"She's as bad as he is! Plus, Varg being calm and polite is about as likely as this dinner party being a success," reasoned Tom.

"Okay, okay. Point taken. No more attempts at dinner parties to bring our families together," promised Lexi.

There was a large resounding crash in the small dining room and another yell of fury from Varg which made his younger sister wince.

"What was that?!" Tom asked in bewilderment.

Lexi shrugged helplessly. "I don't even want to know." Neither of the couple had the slightest idea of what was going on above them, but they could make a fairly accurate guess at the state of the room that Lexi had previously tidied and hoovered so neatly.

A few seconds later, Lexi suddenly realised there was a curious lack of yelling and crashing from above their cramped refuge. Tom was listening too, his head cocked to one side.

"Have they - stopped?" Lexi ventured hopefully.

"Either that, or completely annihilated each other," Tom assumed.

"Oh God. Benny." Lexi suddenly remembered with a guilty jolt that she had completely forgotten about their ten year old son in all the chaos, and wasted no time in getting out from under the table, ignoring Tom's warning voice behind her telling her it was too dangerous, that she should think about it.

Amid the destruction, which comprised of mainly fragments of vase all over the floor, a discarded crowbar and a rather large hole in the wall, sat Benny cheerily eating his vegetables at the table, apparently unscathed.

"Benny! Are you okay?" Lexi asked worriedly.

Benny smiled innocently. "Yeah. This meal's really nice, by the way, Mum. And I love these carrots. Carrots have to be my favourite. Apart from maybe broccoli."

Lexi gestured numbly at the surroundings with one hand. Benny looked around the room, seemingly unsurprised. "Oh yeah! Varg and Great Gran got into a little argument."

"I guess you could call it that..." murmured Tom from beside Lexi, who had just come out from his position under the table and was looking around in disbelief. "Why is there - a hole in the wall?"

"Uncle Varg and Auntie Lyzera left through the hole. Great Gran and Grandad were chasing them. Maybe they didn't like your meal, Mum. But it's okay. I like it."

Tom and Lexi looked at each other dumbly, neither quite knowing what to say.

Ursula poked her head through the really rather large hole in the wall at that point with a sunny but slightly apologetic smile. "Oh by the way, sorry about the wall, Thomas." And then she was gone again, with a cry of some magical curse as she fled after the Nekross across the lawn.

"Definitely no more dinner parties," decided Lexi.

Tom smiled his crooked half smile. "Good idea, love."


End file.
